Good evening, readers! When we last left off, I was feeling quite adrift because I found out that, contrary to what I had heard growing up, I am not Irish in heritage. My family tree traces back to England (a combination of Norman and Saxon blood!), Wales, Scotland, Germany and the Netherlands. I had always thought that we were Irish, having grown up hearing stories of how we had to change our name from O'Hosey to Hosey when our family came to America.
Allow me to clarify for new readers: I am Joy-Noël Gabrielle Bronzich, née Hosey. I go by my middle name, Gabrielle. I married a man of Montenegrin heritage, David Thomas Bronzich.
My maiden name is Hosey. It is a Norman name that has variations: Hosea, Hussey, Houssaye, and in Ireland there is an Irish version of it, Ó hEódhusa. In my case, that would be Ní hEódhusa because "Ní" means "daughter of" instead of the "son of" connotation which is denoted by the "Ó."
Now, about this whole Irish thing! Even if my family lived in Ireland at one point, it does not change the fact that they would have come there either as Norman invaders (or settlers--most probably invaders, though!) during the twelfth or thirteenth centuries. It also does not change the fact that one of the Scottish ancestors of my father settled in Dublin in 1689. That was during one of the worst times in Irish history, a time of grave English oppression of Ireland, the time of the Penal Laws.
So, either way, I am descended, on the English and Scottish side of my family, from people who didn't belong in Ireland and should not have gone there to live. On the other hand, I am also descended in a couple of lines from Welsh people, who were in their turn oppressed by the English many a time. There's also the Scottish side, having dealt also with English oppression.
It's really strange to be from an ancestral mix of oppressors and oppressed like this. It's also disturbing to have read so many stories of oppression and genocide of Irish people by the English, assuming that I was descended from those who were oppressed, only to find out that I am descended more from the opposite side.
Most people who have lately been keeping up with my spiritual journey on this blog know that I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian, and that as such, I am seeking to establish my own cultural heritage and framework for the practice of my faith, just as Greeks have their ways and Slavic people have their ways. For many years, my alleged Irish heritage was something I clung to for spiritual enrichment as I practiced my faith in various churches: first the Methodist and other mainline Protestant churches in which I grew up, later in the Roman Catholic tradition which I adopted in the early 1990's, and finally in the Eastern Orthodox Church of which I have now been a baptised member for fourteen years, fifteen this coming December.
The Eastern Orthodox Church is a beautiful faith expression, and the right one for me. I love the Eastern Orthodox tradition and prayers. However, to fill in that Western gap in myself, I have successfully reclaimed prayers, traditions, the Mass, and paraliturgical devotions of the Orthodox Western Rite into my prayer life. One can say that I live a balanced life, spiritually, between the Eastern ways of the Church and the Western ways. I now want to integrate all of this into a cultural framework that fits my blood and heritage.
That's my quest, and it's not an easy one within Eastern Orthodoxy. Part of this is because of prejudice against Western Rite ways on the part of certain Eastern clergy, hierarchs and those of Slavic and Greek ancestry. The other part of it that is difficult is the fact that these Western ways must be in conformity with the teaching and ecclesiology of the Orthodox Church. One therefore has to use a sifter when looking at Western rites and prayers, in order to find and utilise what is correct in this respect, versus what is considered erroneous.
I haven't found it hard to find the ways that fit theologically, because I actually have an excellent working knowledge of the fathers of the Church and the seven Ecumenical Councils. I also have the nose of a bloodhound for what is or isn't correct theologically according to the teaching of the Orthodox Church.
Nay, what I'm finding difficult is the cultural aspect, in terms of finding my own Christian cultural framework in which to practice my faith. The Greeks have their Greek traditions in Orthodoxy! The Russians have their Russian Orthodox traditions! I want my British/Celtic/Norman/Germanic Orthodox traditions! The Orthodox Church is for people of all backgrounds, not just Slavic and Greek.
People who respond to this with, "Well, the Greek and Slavic customs used to be the customs of the whole Church all over the world during the early times!" are being ignorant and shortsighted regarding the diversity within the undivided Church, especially during the fifth, sixth and seventh centuries with the conversion of Britain, Gaul, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and many Germanic lands. The doctrine and general structure of the liturgy were all one in the Church during those times, but the smaller liturgical traditions and flavours in local churches of Western Europe and Eastern Europe were much more varied. This is proven by looking at various forms of the Liturgy, or Mass, during those times: the Ambrosian Liturgy, the Mozarabic Liturgy, the Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom, the Liturgy of St. Basil, the Liturgy of St. James, the Liturgy of St. Mark, the Sarum Liturgy. . .the list goes on. This is also proven by writings of Western saints such as Venerable Bede and Benedict of Nursia. So, no, I don't buy into the "Everything was Eastern at one time" idea. It's just flat wrong.
I am doing research to find the original Christian culture, from the point of conversion from paganism onward, for Scotland, Saxon England, Briton England before the Saxon invasion, Wales, Brittany, and Normandy. That is going to be a long historical, archaeological journey. Irish Christian spirituality from the Irish missionaries to those lands also figures in closely with all of this, because saints such as Patrick, Colunba and Aidan of Lindisfarne had such a powerful influence on the approach to the practice of Christian faith in those lands.
From a later standpoint, I also have something else in my heritage: plain, Southern American Christian culture. There is an entire hymnody from that tradition as well, much of which has made its way into the Western liturgical tradition.
With the Norman heritage, there is Norse blood in there to consider. From the German and Dutch standpoint, there are those traditions and hymns as well. So, basically, we have the Germanic aspect of my Northern European blood to consider in this journey as well.
Again, why does this matter? Because God made us not only as spiritual beings, but as flesh in His image. Our bodies are connected to our souls, and hence our DNA and blood background is connected to our souls. I believe that this connection between our DNA and blood and our souls manifests itself in certain spiritual tendencies in our journeys.
For a long time, I felt I had a spiritual connection to Ireland. From a purely DNA standpoint, considering that the Hapla groups for England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Germany, the Netherlands, and Scandinavia are pretty much the same, I still have that spiritual connection to Ireland. But God has stripped me of the emotional veneer that I put upon this connection to Ireland, which I mistook for genuine spiritual connection and experience.
Here is a very good example of how our emotions and romanticism born thereof can mislead us when it comes to true spiritual reality and experience! And alas for me, that I could not see the difference before in this particular instance!
It was my husband, ever wise, who helped me to see today that I had created this emotional, sentimental veneer that was passing itself off as my "Celtic soul." When stripped of this veneer because of the discovery that my blood was not wholly Celtic, and when further stripped of the specifically "Irish" veneer that I had painted upon myself through the adaptation of Irish Gaelic music and cultural customs, I felt like a tree with no leaves.
"Mother of God!" I cried out before the icon of the Theotokos Hodegetria today, after Lauds. "Pray to God for me, who am adrift and stripped of what I held dear all these years! Tell Him I want Him to give me back what is lost. I need Him to fix this!" *(See note on this at the bottom of the article).
I then turned to the Crucifix, addressed our heavenly Father and said, "God! Give me back my leaves."
Silence. Not a thought. Not an idea. No feeling. Not a stir within. That's because the answer to my cry was in the icon itself. To what does the hand of the Theotokos, the Holy Virgin Mary, point in the icon? To the Baby Jesus! To Christ!
It reminds me of what my mother wrote to me all those years ago when I was college, and I asked her why an autumnal equinox observance I had made was not of lasting fulfillment spiritually. Her answer was, "All rituals must have Christ in their center to be of lasting effect spiritually."
So, I can continue to go on this quest of finding a cultural framework for my faith. However, what God is calling me to do is to make certain that He is at the center of my quest, not "Irishness" or "Celtic ways."
It's all basically Matthew 6:33: "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness. And all these things shall be added unto you."
That also means being open to real spiritual experience in the soul, not sentimental, emotional veneers posing as such. My husband also pointed out that I still have my connection to Celtic music, especially by blood because of the whole Hapla group thing. So, my connection to those Celtic hymns is not lost. I just covered it up with the sentimental trappings. Maybe the real thing will be allowed to come out now.
I just realised that the image of being like a tree without leaves is an interesting one, as we enter into the fullness of autumn and the harvest season.
Today, I came across a raven in the road, a female raven eating carrion. In the Bible, the raven was the first bird to find land after the great flood. In various Northern European mythological traditions, the raven symbolises letting go of old things to get ready for new things, old things dying to make way for new life, and general change. In the Norse tradition, the raven was one of two companions of Odin, two ravens who were called Thought and Memory. This means that in Scandinavian mythology, the raven symbolises a call to reflection on the past and the present.
Well, if I am drifting spiritually because of the removal of fake things I had built around myself, may the Lord grant that, like the raven after the flood, I find the land He has for me. If I am being called to let go of old things, well, letting go of false ideas of ancestry and spiritual connection are certainly part and parcel of that. If I am being called to reflect and remember, then that also fits into this time of learning who my ancestors were and actually thinking upon that and how it affects who I am. It also fits with some memories of my parents that I needed to hear while I was visiting my family in Alabama this past week.
And so, I offer this prayer at this point in my journey, a prayer of the heart.
Lord God, heavenly Father: Thou art the Potter, I am the clay. Thou art the Weaver, and I am the thread upon the loom. Make me; form me; weave me as Thou wilt.
Lord God, Son of the Father, Word at the beginning of all creation: Thou art the Painter; I am Thine icon. Draw me, paint me, give Thy colours unto me as Thou wilt.
Lord God, Holy Spirit, Comforter, Giver of Truth: All I have, Thou hast given me. If I must fly, then give me wings. If I must die, then help me live. If I must change, then hover over the waters wherein I sail.
And may the end result be the words, "Let there be light!". And may it be so. And mayest Thou then say, "This is good."
In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord,
Amen.
*Eastern Orthodox Christians believe that Christ gave us His Mother (the Blessed Virgin Mary) and the saints to help us and pray for us, as Resurrected members of the Body of Christ. So, we ask the Virgin Mary, the holy prophets and the saints who have gone before us to pray for us. Christ is the Head of the Church, of which these Resurrected people are a part. Asking the saints for intercession is not putting them above Christ, because He says in the Gospel, "Wherever two or three are gathered in My Name, there am I in the midst of them." They cannot be above Him when He is in their midst! He also makes references to the saints and angels being gathered in heaven, and rejoicing over one repentant sinner. There are many Scriptural references regarding intercessory prayer of those who have gone before, in both the Old and New Testaments. The other thing is that "Mother of God" does not mean that the Virgin Mary is mother of the Father. It means that she is the Mother of Christ, Who is God because He is the Second Person of the Trinity. See John: 1: 1. Anyway, this is a bit of clarification for readers belonging to other churches who don't have intercessory prayer by saints and angels as part of their tradition.
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