This morning, I spent some time talking to my husband about spiritual matters. He and I spiritually advise each other. We are what is referred to in the Irish patristic tradition as "soul-friends" or "anamgcarad," the plural of "anamcara" or "soul friend." "Anam" is the Irish word for "soul." "Cara" is the word for "friend." Soul friends mutually advise each other and listen to each other, as they share their Christian walk day to day and grow. There is a spiritual connection between their souls because they contribute to each other's life in the Faith, hence the term "soul friend." It's kind of like having a spiritual father, but unlike that tradition, it does not involve concepts of monastic obedience; the decision to take advice is the choice of each person. This is especially true when the anamcairdeas (soul friendship) is between two lay people, or in this case, between an Orthodox Subdeacon and his wife. David is a wise anamcara. Today, I told him I felt adrift because I no longer had the Benedictine Oblate label to cling to, and I was clinging to that label because I thought it would make me safer around people. The thing is that when one is a nonconformist like me, an artsy kind of a person who doesn't fit into a lot of other people's cogs, a square peg, we often don't feel safe due to past negative reactions of people to who we are. So, words like "Goth" and "Benedictine" are labels that allow people to categorize folks like me. Then, being able to put me into a category makes them feel more secure and hence makes me safer from their reactions to the fact that I'm a bit off the beaten path. That's the theory, anyway. But the truth is, my husband said, that a persona does not stave off the effects of rejection if people choose not to accept someone. A persona merely delays the inevitable, because people are either going to accept you or not. So, he posed the question,"Why the need for narrow-minded people to accept you anyway? Why do you need them?". He said that instead of feeling adrift, I can rejoice in my freedom to just be me, without some label to explain myself to others. He also said that this freedom of being ourselves and navigating our own prayer life is part and parcel of Orthodoxy. A lot of times, as a cradle Orthodox Christian, he has observed that converts come into the faith with a need to impose the rigours of their previous churches onto themselves and others; they think that being Orthodox means you have to express control over others by saying, "THIS and THIS ALONE is the way to be Orthodox." But in fact, to embrace the mindset of Orthodoxy, one needs to embrace the richness and variety that is in the faith. One doesn't need to give up the prayers of the West that work in conformity with the faith, like the Rule of St. Benedict or pre-Schism Western prayers. One can do like I do, and integrate these things with the Eastern Orthodox Horologion and traditions. One does not need a label or persona to do that; it's about what doing what works. "Rejoice in your freedom, and be yourself," David says. Wise man. So, I will still pray the Rule of St. Benedict in addition to the Horologion, like I've been doing, because that benefits me. I will still use the label of Goth, because to an extent it's true of me, though I'm not into the darker things associated with that movement. But there's no need to use labels for self-defense, according to David. I don't know if I entirely agree, because my experience has been that if you don't give people some label to categorize you, they'll put their own label on you like "witch" and come after you. Usually, this is not done physically in this day and age, but rather is done emotionally, socially and professionally. I know, because I have experienced that, even to the extent that I have lost a job or two in the past because of it. Professionalese for "She's a witch! Burn her!" is "You don't fit into our vision of this school/church/company" or "You have such unique gifts; you really belong somewhere else." So, I still am not sure that being without labels is safe. But he thinks it's better to just be oneself without them. I'll have to ponder on that.
No comments:
Post a Comment