I just left a couple of Facebook groups and here are the reasons why. This is not a rant or complaint, just speaking the truth. Why did I leave these groups?
SHORT ANSWER: There's only so much of me to go around, and what little time I have outside of work, school, church, and home responsibility needs to be spent in ways that give me optimum peace, joy, inspiration and energy. I need to be careful to avoid draining situations.
LONG ANSWER (TDLR Alert, but I make some points worth considering here):
I just left a group that was dedicated to the works of a particular author because I haven't really read her books and don't have time. I also just left a Protestant group that I had joined in support of one of my classmates at seminary because I don't have extra time to contribute to her group or go to her events, though I care for my classmate. Here's the thing: in terms of my time and energy, my plate is full between school, work, my responsibilities at home (particularly supporting my husband in the caregiving of his younger brother), and doing what is necessary to maintain my own faith and practice in the church of my choice (in which I was received in 2004), the Eastern Orthodox Church. With all of that, I have very little time or energy for anything else. When I choose groups or activities outside of these four areas of my life--school, work, marriage and my faith tradition--it is vital for my soul's peace that those groups and activities are such that I will be comfortable emotionally, socially and spiritually.
I will not go to group events with a lot of people I don't know because I find it draining and I already have enough events of that kind that I attend as part of work and school. I stay within my own faith tradition and my own tribal and ancestral cultures (Montenegrin and Celtic) for events during my free time because generally, l experience acceptance there, whereas in other situations I often have not been accepted or understood because my culture is indigenous and as such is different. When I go to seminary events (at the school of theology I attend for my Master of Divinity degree), I'm very selective about those for this reason. I'm even selective and cautious about women's events in my own faith tradition, because of many times in the past where I felt that I had to mask too much; masking is very exhausting.
In short, what I want when I go home from school, work or church services at my Orthodox parish is peace and quiet. What I want more and more, the older I get, is to go into places where neither my culture, my individuality nor my personal power feel like a threat to anyone, where I can just relax and be me. If I have the slightest suspicion that I won't fit in a certain environment or event, I engage in self-care by staying away. If I have to hide my light under a bushel to make other people comfortable or shrink to avoid them feeling threatened by my gifts or vibes, then the place or event where I would have to do that is NOT where I need to go! I do neither myself nor anyone else any good in such a situation. I'm studying to be a lay healthcare chaplain. As such, I have learned the hard way this summer that I don't need to insert myself into situations where people might be uncomfortable. The same concern about other people being uncomfortable also needs to be applied to myself. This is why I'm cutting back on groups, and being very selective about where and with whom I spend my free time. If I come around you, feel honoured! It means that I see you as respectful of me and safe to be around.
ONE MORE NOTE: Some people have said before, "But Gabrielle, you should branch out in other groups to be an indigenous voice and to take up the challenge of stepping outside your comfort zone." Here's what I have to say to that: I spent the whole first half of my life outside my comfort zone, trying to fit in with people who fundamentally were not interested in accepting me or investing in my presence. My indigenous voice was UNHEARD because people didn't want to listen. They wanted instead to shape me into their own images and make me what THEY wanted me to be so that they would be more comfortable. So, I now sing my songs to those who want to hear them.
Granted, I took up the mantle of being a healer during the pandemic. Healing gifts are for helping everyone. But we must remember something important: people whom we might want to heal must be willing to undergo that process. A lot of people like to walk around unhealed because it's more comfortable for them. At 55 years of age, I'm done forcing my gifts and skills into spaces where they aren't desired. God does not force help or grace onto people; they accept it or move towards it of their own free will. The same is true with someone of my calling, though I will always pray for everyone regardless of what behaviour I encounter from them when I'm out and about. That still doesn't mean that I walk willingly into a potentially hostile forest; doing that is not wisdom, but foolishness. Does a bird fly into a cage, or does an antelope wander into a lions' den?
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